Types of Abuse in Domestic Violence

No one wants to admit that they are being abused, much less by someone they love and who is supposed to love them. It is a real shock to the entire soul, mind, body and spirit. It is such a shock that it is hard to believe that someone who you thought loved you could act in such a manner, especially if it is contrary to who you thought they were.

So you go into "denial" not wanting to admit that this is happening to you, and has been happening to you for quite some time. Some days the person abusing you is kind, nice, and even compassionate, and you begin to wonder what all of the fuss was about. But then other days they turn into someone you don't even recognize and you wonder how you can stay with them let alone survive. And you remember why you got upset several days or weeks ago. It is a vicious cycle that is destroying your life, your peace, and your very identity and you feel like you are loosing yourself. You know that things cannot go on like this, or you may not make it.

Abuse takes on many forms and comes in all shapes and sizes and degrees. But the bottom line is no matter what type of abuse you are enduring it is NOT ACCEPTABLE and it has to STOP NOW.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Also called "Psychological or Verbal Abuse"

- false accusations

- name calling and finding fault

- verbal threats

- playing "mind games"

- making victim think she/he is stupid, or crazy

- humiliating the victim

- overpowering victim's emotions

- disbelieving the victim

- bringing up past issues

- inappropriate expressions of jealousy

- degrading the victim

- putting the victim down, not defending her

- blame the victim for things

- turning the situation against the victim

- laughing in victim's face

- silence, ignoring victim

- refusing to do things with or for the victim

- always getting own way

- neglecting victim

- pressuring victim

- expecting victim to conform to a role

- comparing victim to others

- suggested involvement with other women or men

- Making the victim feel guilty

-Using certain mannerisms or behavior as a means of control (eg. snapping fingers, pointing)

- threatening to get drunk or stoned

- manipulation

- starting arguments

- withholding affection

- holding grudges and not really forgiving

- lying

- threatening to leave or commit suicide

- treating victim as a child

- having double standards for victim

- saying one thing and meaning another

- denying or taking away victim's responsibilities

- not keeping commitments

- insisting on accompanying victim to the doctor's office

-deliberately creating a mess for the victim to cleanup.

- preventing victim from getting or taking a job

- threatening her with anything (words, objects)

- refusing to deal with issues

- minimizing or disregarding victim's work or accomplishments

- demanding an account of victim's time/routine

- taking advantage of the victim's fear of something

- making her do illegal things

DURING PREGNANCY AND CHILBIRTH

- forcing her to have an abortion

- denying that the child is his

- insulting her body

- refusing to support her during and after pregnancy

- refusing sex because her pregnant body is ugly

- demanding or pressuring her for sex after childbirth

- blaming her that the baby is the "wrong sex"

- refusing to allow her to breastfeed

FINANCIAL ABUSE

- taking victim's money

- withholding money

- not allowing victim money

- giving victim an allowance

- keeping family finances a secret

- spending money foolishly

- pressuring victim to take full responsibility for finances

-not paying fair share of bills

-not spending money of special occasions when able (birthdays etc)

spending on addictions, gambling, sexual services

-not letting victim have access to family income

SOCIAL ABUSE

- controlling what victim does, who victim sees, talks to, what victim reads and where victim goes

- put downs or ignores victim in public

- not allowing victim to see or access to family and friends

-change of personality when around others (abuser)

- being rude to victim's friends or family

- dictating victim's dress and behavior

- choosing victim's friends

- choosing friends, activities or work rather then being with the victim

- making a "scene" in public

- making victim account for themselves

- censoring victim's mail

- treating victim like a servant

- not giving victim space or privacy

USING CHILDREN

- assaulting victim in front of the children

- making victim stay at home with the children

-teaching children to abuse victim through name calling, hitting etc

- embarrassing victim in front of the children

- not sharing responsibility for children

-threatening to abduct children, or telling victim they will never get custody

- putting down victim's parenting ability

DURING SEPARATION/DIVORCE

- buying off children with expensive gifts

-not showing up on time for visitation or returning them on time

-pumping children for information on victim's partners etc

-telling children that victim is responsible for breaking up the family

- using children to transport messages

- denying victim access to the children

USING RELIGION

- using scripture to justify or dominance

- using church position to pressure for sex or favors

- using victim, then demanding forgiveness

- interpreting religion or scripture your way

- preventing victim from attending church

- mocking victim's belief's

- requiring sex acts or drugs for religious acts

ENVIRONMENTAL ABUSE ;

ABUSE IN THE HOME

- locking victim in or out

- throwing out or destroying victim's possessions

- harming pets

- slamming doors

- throwing objects

- taking phones and denying victim access to the phone

ABUSE IN THE VEHICLE

- deliberately driving too fast or recklessly to scare victim

- driving while intoxicated

- forcing victim out of the vehicle (when angry)

- pushing victim out of the vehicle when it is inmotion

- threatening to kill victim by driving toward an oncoming car

- chasing or hitting victim with a vehicle

- killing victim in a deliberate accident

- denying her use of the vehicle by tampering with engine, chaining steering wheel or taking the keys

RITUAL ABUSE - EVIL INTENT

- mutilation

- animal mutilation

- forced cannibalism

- human sacrifices

- suggesting or promoting suicide

- forcing victim to participate in rituals or to witness rituals

Instructions for Email Counseling and Telephone Counseling & Services and Fees.

If after reading the lists above of the different types of abuse, you see that you are experiencing several or many of them and need some hope and encouragement to get yourself out of an abusive relationship, please do not hesitate to e-mail me or call me for help and advice. Being in an abusive relationship of any kind is no way to live your life. Please see the directions for doing so below:

Patricia Jones, M.A.

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Types of Physical Abuse Include:

* Pushing you into a wall or off of steps or into furniture, etc.

* Punching you anywhere on your body, face, so hard that you have bruises the next day.

* Kicking you in the stomach when you are pregnant, or kicking you anywhere else on your body.

* Pulling you by the hair, or your arms so that your arm comes out of your shoulder socket

* Slapping you in the face, on your back, or slapping you anywhere on your body.

* Choking you, holding you down on the floor and putting their body weight on your chest, etc.

* Attempting to smother you with a pillow

*Throwing any type of object at you, whether it is a dangerous object or not.

* Actually picking you up and throwing you, out of the house, out of the car, off a cliff, etc.

* Cutting you or stabbing you with a knife, scissors, or any other sharp object

* Setting you on fire, burning you with matches, cigarettes, etc.

* Threatening you with a gun or threatening to kill you or your children

* Refusing to take you to a doctor and ignoring you injury or sickness

* Refusing to allow you to get or use necessary medications, pain relievers or anything that you need to heal or take care of yourself.

* Breaking things, throwing things, putting their fist through walls, doors, windows, etc.

* Kicking, hitting, punching, or throwing your dog, cat, bird, any pets.

* Torturing animals for fun

Types of Sexual Abuse Include:

* Forcing you to have sex when you do not want to.

* Insisting that you wear provacative degrading clothing or wear high heels. (Fantasy's that are his, but not yours.)

* Making you feel like a whore, slut, or a sexual object.

* Punching, pinching or grabbing your breats or genitals.

* Refusing to stop having sex when you want him to stop.

* Witholding money, food, etc. from you unless you have sex.

* Forcing you to watch pornagraphy, participate in porography, or making you have sex with other men or women, or to participate in group sex, or do wife swapping.

* Calling you degrading names such as slut, whore, cunt, etc.

* Cheating on you and giving you sexual diseases

* Making you have daily sex no matter how tired you are. Making you have sex even if you are sick, or just had an operation, or a baby, without regard for your injury or pain.

* Saying he will have sex with someone else if you don't have sex with him.

* Showing extreme jealosy accusing you of flirting, having affairs, and insisting on searching for evidence that you have cheated on him.

*Telling off color, sexually charged jokes, and trying to have sex with you in public or asking you to dress a certain way in public.

Offering to pay you for sex as if you were a prostitute.

Types of Emotional Abuse: (Also called "Psychological or Verbal Abuse" )